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240. The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:

Author:  Gretchen Rubin

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Memoir, Happiness, Self Improvement

301 pages, published December 29, 2009

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

The genesis of The Happiness Project was author Gretchen Rubin’s epiphany that she was happy with her life, but perhaps not as happy as she could be.  This led her to dedicate a year to her happiness project and, through research and experience, discover if there were things she could to make herself happier.  Every month, she covered a new topic including Order, Exercise and Sleep, Friendship, Children, Marriage, and Money to name a few.  Along the way, she developed her Twelve Personal Commandments, Four Splendid Truths and Secrets of Adulthood.  They are listed below.

 

Twelve Personal Commandments

 

Be Gretchen

Let it go

Act the way I want to feel

Do it now

Be polite and fair

Enjoy the process

Spend out

Identify the problem

Lighten up

Do what ought to be done

No calculation

There is only love

 

Four Splendid Truths

 

  1. To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right in an atmosphere of growth.
  2. One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
  3. The days are long, but the years are short.
  4. You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.

 

Secrets of Adulthood

 

  • The best reading is re-reading.
  • Outer order contributes to inner calm.
  • The opposite of a great truth is also true.
  • You manage what you measure.
  • By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
  • People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
  • It’s nice to have plenty of money.
  • Most decisions don’t require extensive research.
  • Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
  • It’s important to have family rituals.
  • If you can’t find something, clean up.
  • Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
  • Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
  • It’s okay to ask for help.
  • You can choose what you do; you can’t choose what you LIKE to do.
  • Happiness doesn’t always make you feel happy.
  • What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
  • You don’t have to be good at everything.
  • Soap and water removes most stains.
  • It’s important to be nice to EVERYONE.
  • You know as much as most people.
  • Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
  • Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
  • What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you–and vice versa.
  • People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
  • Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
  • If you’re not failing, you’re not trying hard enough.
  • If we have habits that work for us, we’re much more likely to be happy, healthy, productive, and creative.
  • Save and spend wisely.
  • Stop procrastinating, make consistent progress.
  • Engage more deeply—with other people, with God, with yourself, with the world.
  • Doing a little work makes goofing off more fun.

 

Quotes 

“The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided. It’s more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted. No one is careful of his feelings or tries to keep his spirits high. He seems self-sufficient; he becomes a cushion for others. And because happiness seems unforced, that person usually gets no credit.”

 

“I grasped two things: I wasn’t as happy as I could be, and my life wasn’t going to change unless I made it change.”

 

“I knew I wouldn’t discover happiness in a faraway place or in unusual circumstances; it was right here, right now— as in the haunting play “The Blue Bird,” where two children spend a year searching the world for the Blue Bird of Happiness, only to find it waiting for them when they finally return home.”

 

“Of course it’s not enough to sit around wanting to be happy; you must make the effort to take steps toward happiness by acting with more love, finding work you enjoy, and all the rest. But for me, asking myself whether I was happy had been a crucial step toward cultivating my happiness more wisely through my actions. Also, only through recognizing my happiness did I really appreciate it. Happiness depends partly on external circumstances, and it also depends on how you view those circumstances.

 

“According to current research, in the determination of a person’s level of happiness, genetics accounts for about 50 percent; life circumstances, such as age, gender, ethnicity, marital status, income, health, occupation, and religious affiliation, account for about 10 to 20 percent; and the remainder is a product of how a person thinks and acts.”

 

“I had everything I could possibly want — yet I was failing to appreciate it. Bogged down in petty complaints and passing crises, weary of struggling with my own nature, I too often failed to comprehend the splendor of what I had.”

 

“As I turned the key and pushed open the front door, as I crossed the threshold, I thought how breathtaking, how fleeting, how precious was my ordinary day Now is now. Here is my treasure.”

 

“To eke out the most happiness from an experience, we must anticipate it, savor it as it unfolds, express happiness, and recall a happy memory.”

 

“In fact, in what’s known as “rosy prospection,” anticipation of happiness is sometimes greater than the happiness actually experienced.”

 

“you have to do that kind of work for yourself. If you do it for other people, you end up wanting them to acknowledge it and to be grateful and to give you credit. If you do it for yourself, you don’t expect other people to react in a particular way.”

 

“I knew I wouldn’t discover happiness in a faraway place or in unusual circumstances; it was right here, right now— as in the haunting play “The Blue Bird,” where two children spend a year searching the world for the Blue Bird of Happiness, only to find it waiting for them when they finally return home.”

 

“Studies show that each common interest between people boosts the chances of a lasting relationship and also brings about a 2 percent increase in life satisfaction.”

 

“Happiness,” wrote Yeats, “is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.” Contemporary researchers make the same argument: that it isn’t goal attainment but the process of striving after goals-that is, growth-that brings happiness.”

 

“Enthusiasm is a form of social courage.”

 

“There is only love.”

 

“One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.”

 

“Happy people generally are more forgiving, helpful, and charitable, have better self-control, and are more tolerant of frustration than unhappy people, while unhappy people are more often withdrawn, defensive, antagonistic, and self-absorbed. Oscar Wilde observed, “One is not always happy when one is good; but one is always good when one is happy.”

 

“Both money and health contribute to happiness mostly in the negative; the lack of them brings much more unhappiness than possessing them brings happiness.”

 

“I realized that for my own part, I was much more likely to take risks, reach out to others, and expose myself to rejection and failure when I felt happy. When I felt unhappy, I felt defensive, touchy, and self-conscious.”

 

“Nothing,’ wrote Tolstoy, ‘can make our life, or the lives of other people, more beautiful than perpetual kindness.”

 

“Keep it simple’ wasn’t always the right response. Many things that boosted my happiness also added complexity to my life. Having children. Learning to post videos to my website. Going to an out-of-town wedding. Applied too broadly, my impulse to ‘Keep it simple’ would impoverish me. ‘Life is barren enough surely with all her trappings,’ warned Samuel Johnson, ‘let us therefore by cautious how we strip her.”

 

“Laughter is more than just a pleasurable activity…When people laugh together, they tend to talk and touch more and to make eye contact more frequently.”

 

“The days are long, but the years are short.”

 

“I always had the uncomfortable feeling that if I wasn’t sitting in front of a computer typing, I was wasting my time–but I pushed myself to take a wider view of what was “productive.” Time spend with my family and friends was never wasted.”

 

“What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.”

 

“It’s about living in the moment and appreciating the smallest things. Surrounding yourself with the things that inspire you and letting go of the obsessions that want to take over your mind. It is a daily struggle sometimes and hard work but happiness begins with your own attitude and how you look at the world.”

 

“While some more passive forms of leisure, such as watching TV or surfing the Internet, are fun in the short term, over time, they don’t offer nearly the same happiness as more challenging activities.”

 

“It struck me as poignant that my long relationship with my beloved grandparents could be embodied in a few small objects. But the power of objects doesn’t depend on their volume; in fact, my memories were better evoked by a few carefully chosen items than by a big assortment of things with vague associations.”

 

“Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail, but every day is a clean slate and a fresh opportunity.”

 

“It’s easy to be heavy; hard to be light.”

 

“Once I started trying to give positive reviews, though, I began to understand how much happiness I took from the joyous ones in my life—and how much effort it must take for them to be consistently good=tempered and positive. It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light. We nonjoyous types suck energy and cheer from the joyous ones; we rely on them to buoy us with their good spirit and to cushion our agitation and anxiety. At the same time, because of a dark element in human nature, we’re sometimes provoked to try to shake the enthusiastic, cheery folk out of their fog of illusion—to make them see that the play was stupid, the money was wasted, the meeting was pointless. Instead of shielding their joy, we blast it.”

 

“When we do stumble, it’s important not to judge ourselves harshly. Although some people assume that strong feelings of guilt or shame act as safeguards to help people stick to good habits, the opposite is true. People who feel less guilt and who show compassion toward themselves in the face of failure are better able to regain self-control, while people who feel deeply guilty and full of self-blame struggle more.”

 

“Although we presume that we act because of the way we feel, in fact we often feel because of the way we act.”

 

“The pleasure of doing the same thing, in the same way, every day, shouldn’t be overlooked. The things I do every day take on a certain beauty and provide a kind of invisible architecture to my life.”

 

“With habits, we don’t make decisions, we don’t use self-control, we just do the thing we want ourselves to do—or that we don’t want to do.”

 

“Did I have a heart to be contented? Well, no, not particularly. I had a tendency to be discontented: ambitious, dissatisfied, fretful, and tough to please…It’s easier to complain than to laugh, easier to yell than to joke around, easier to be demanding than to be satisfied.”

 

“Never start a sentence with the words ‘No offense.”

 

“When I thought about why I was sometimes reluctant to push myself, I realized that it was because I was afraid of failure – but in order to have more success, I needed to be willing to accept more failure.”

 

“I enjoy the fun of failure. It’s fun to fail, I kept repeating. It’s part of being ambitious; it’s part of being creative. If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.”

 

“Look for happiness under your own roof.”

 

“Studies show that aggressively expressing anger doesn’t relieve anger but amplifies it. On the other hand, not expressing anger often allows it to disappear without leaving ugly traces.”

 

“The things that go wrong often make the best memories.”

 

“It was time to expect more of myself. Yet as I thought about happiness, I kept running up against paradoxes. I wanted to change myself but accept myself. I wanted to take myself less seriously — and also more seriously. I wanted to use my time well, but I also wanted to wander, to play, to read at whim. I wanted to think about myself so I could forget myself. I was always on the edge of agitation; I wanted to let go of envy and anxiety about the future, yet keep my energy and ambition.”

 

“From my observation, habits in four areas do most to boost feelings of self-control, and in this way strengthen the Foundation of all our habits. We do well to begin by tackling the habits that help us to: 1. sleep 2. move 3. eat and drink right 4. Unclutter. ”

 

“Enthusiasm is more important than innate ability, it turns out, because the single more important element in developing an expertise is your willingness to practice.”

 

“When I find myself focusing overmuch on the anticipated future happiness of arriving at a certain goal, I remind myself to ‘Enjoy now’. If I can enjoy the present, I don’t need to count on the happiness that is (or isn’t) waiting for me in the future”.”

 

“[S]tudies show that one of the best ways to lift your mood is to engineer an easy success, such as tackling a long-delayed chore.”

 

“Studies show that in a phenomenon called “emotional contagion,” we unconsciously catch emotions from other people–whether good moods or bad ones. Taking the time to be silly means that we’re infecting one another with good cheer, and people who enjoy silliness are one third more likely to be happy.”

 

“… one flaw throws the loveliness of [everything else] into focus. I remember reading that Shakers deliberately introduced a mistake into the things they made, to show that man shouldn’t aspire to the perfection of God. Flawed can be more perfect than perfection.”

 

“There are no do overs and some things just aren’t going to happen. It is a little sad but you just have to embrace what is.”

 

“I think adversity magnifies behavior. Tend to be a control freak? You’ll become more controlling. Eat for comfort? You’ll eat more. And on the positive, if you tend to focus on solutions and celebrate small successes, that’s what you’ll do in adversity.”

 

“[S]tudies show that one of the best ways to lift your mood is to engineer an easy success, such as tackling a long-delayed chore.”

 

“Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.”

 

“I can DO ANYTHING I want, but I can’t DO EVERYTHING I want.”

 

“Money. It’s a good servant but a bad master.”

 

“Because money permits a constant stream of luxuries and indulgences, it can take away their savor, and by permitting instant gratification, money shortcuts the happiness of anticipation. Scrimping, saving, imagining, planning, hoping–these stages enlarge the happiness we feel.”

 

“He is my fate. He’s my soul mate. He pervades my whole existence. So, of course, I often ignore him.”

 

“It isn’t enough to love; we must prove it.”

 

“There is no love; there are only proofs of love.” Whatever love I might feel in my heart, others will see only my actions.”

 

“The biggest waste of time is to do well something that we need not do at all.”

 

“What you do everyday matters more than what you do once in a while.”

 

“How we schedule our days is how we spend our lives.”

 

“There’s a great satisfaction in knowing that we’ve made good use of our days, that we’ve lived up to our expectations of ourselves.”

 

“[Benjamin Franklin] identified thirteen virtues he wanted to cultivate–temperance, silence, order, resolution, frugality, industry, sincerity, justice, moderation, cleanliness, tranquility, chastity and humility–and made a chart with those virtues plotted against the days of the week. Each day, Franklin would score himself on whether he practiced those thirteen virtues.”

 

“In the chaos of everyday life, it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters, and I can use my habits to make sure that my life reflects my values.”

 

“We won’t make ourselves more creative and productive by copying other people’s habits, even the habits of geniuses; we must know our own nature, and what habits serve us best.”

 

“For work: I bought some pens. Normally, I used makeshift pens, the kind of unsatisfactory implements that somehow materialized in my bag or in a drawer. But one day, when I was standing in line to buy envelopes, I caught sight of a box of my favorite kind of pen: the Deluxe Uniball Micro. “Two ninety-nine for one pen!” I thought. “That’s ridiculous.” But after a fairly lengthy internal debate, I bought four. It’s such a joy to write with a good pen instead of making do with an underinked pharmaceutical promotional pen picked up from a doctor’s office. My new pens weren’t cheap, but when I think of all the time I spend using pens and how much I appreciate a good pen, I realize it was money well spent. Finely made tools help make work a pleasure.”

 

“Sleep is the new sex.”

 

“Another study suggested that getting one extra hour of sleep each night would do more for a person’s happiness than getting a $60,000 raise.”

 

“I had everything I could possibly want — yet I was failing to appreciate it. Bogged down in petty complaints and passing crises, weary of struggling with my own nature, I too often failed to comprehend the splendor of what I had.”

 

“The desire to start something at the “right” time is usually just a justification for delay. In almost every case, the best time to start is now.”

 

“It’s so easy to wish that we’d made an effort in the past, so that we’d happily be enjoying the benefit now, but when now is the time when that effort must be made, as it always is, that prospect is much less inviting.”

 

“The most important step is the first step. All those old sayings are really true. Well begun is half done. Don’t get it perfect, get it going. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Nothing is more exhausting than the task that’s never started, and strangely, starting is often far harder than continuing.”

 

“I’m not tempted by things I’ve decided are off-limits, but once I’ve started something, I have trouble stopping. If I never do something, it requires no self-control for me; if I do something sometimes, it requires enormous self-control.”

 

“In fact, for both men and women—and this finding struck me as highly significant—the most reliable predictor of not being lonely is the amount of contact with women. Time spent with men doesn’t make a difference.”

 

“There are times in the lives of most of us,” observed William Edward Hartpole Lecky, “when we would have given all the world to be as we were but yesterday, though that yesterday had passed over us unappreciated and unenjoyed.”

 

“A sense of growth is so important to happiness that it’s often preferable to be progressing to the summit rather than to be at the summit.”

 

“This is one of the many paradoxes of happiness: we seek to control our lives, but the unfamiliar and the unexpected are important sources of happiness.”

 

“W. H. Auden articulated this tension beautifully: “Between the ages of twenty and forty we are engaged in the process of discovering who we are, which involves learning the difference between accidental limitations which it is our duty to outgrow and the necessary limitations of our nature beyond which we cannot trespass with impunity.”

 

“The imperfect book that gets published is better than the perfect book that never leaves my computer.”

 

“It’s easy to make the mistake of thinking that if you have something you love or there’s something you want, you’ll be happier with more.”

 

My Take

As is readily apparent from the sheer volume of quotes that I have included from The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin has many, many pearls of wisdom to impart.  As she herself opines, the best reading is re-reading.  This was my third reading of The Happiness Project and it was still fresh for me and I had new takeaways that I had forgotten about.  I really appreciate her writing style that includes her own personal experience, reference to scientific research on topics related to happiness, relevant literary quotes and lots of practical tips on how to implement happiness improvements into your own life.  More than any other book, The Happiness Project has changed my life for the better.  I consider Gretchen Rubin to be my guru for happiness.  Often as I go through my day, a quote from The Happiness Project (such as “do it now,” “there is only love,” “outer order leads to inner calm,” “by doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished,” and “people don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think”) will pop into my head and influence my actions. Her other books, Happier at Home, Better than Before, and The Four Tendencies are also very much worth a read, but my favorite is still The Happiness Project.  A rare five stars and strongly recommended.

 

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218. The Art of People: 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want

Rating:  ☆☆☆1/2

Author:  Dave Kerpen

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Business, Self Improvement, Psychology

288 pages, March15, 2016

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

In The Art of People, author Dave Kerpen provides straightforward, sensible advice in pithy chapters laced with relevant anecdotes.  His focus is on building relationships and truly understanding and connecting with your colleagues, customers, and partners.  He covers ideas such as:

  • The single most important question you can ever ask to win attention in a meeting
  • The one simple key to networking that nobody talks about
  • How to remain top of mind for thousands of people, everyday
  • Why it usually pays to be the one to give the bad news
  • How to blow off the right people
  • And why, when in doubt, buy him a Bonsai

 

Quotes 

“However, when you’re accountable to too many people, it’s like being accountable to no one. Thus, the best scenario is to find one accountability partner who can help you and whom you can help.”

 

“The problem with sharing accomplishments on social media (aka bragging), however, is there’s no tone or body language to help convey your meaning, and that means it’s very easy for people to lose the context and not get your intention right.”

 

“After conducting years of research on the most effective and least effective traits of leaders, Bell advised leaders to “listen like children watch TV.”

 

“People in general don’t want advice even when they ask for it. They just want to feel heard.”

 

“There’s no better way to show that you care about the person you’re meeting with than to genuinely, authentically ask her what you can do to help.”

 

“It’s not my job to teach you. It’s your job to learn. I’m just here to coach you along the way,” Doc would say to us on a typical day. He was one part teacher, one part coach, and one part cheerleader—always positive, helpful, and encouraging.”

 

“Many people are so afraid to get a “no” that they don’t ask for a “yes.” The ironic thing here is that they’re virtually guaranteeing getting a “no” by not asking for a “yes.”

 

My Take

The Art of People is a modern update of the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, which I found to be an extremely useful book.  Like that classic how-to, The Art of People contains numerous tips and sound advice on how to interact with others in a genuine way to create win-win situations.  Some of it is common sense, but there were enough new suggestions for me to recommend this book.

 

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Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts

Rating:  ☆☆☆1/2

Recommended by:  Gretchen Rubin

Authors:  Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, James O. Pawelski

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Psychology, Self Improvement, Happiness

343 pages, published January 16, 2018

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

Happy Together is written by Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and James O. Pawelski, a husband and wife team who specialize in the field of Positive Psychology.  In their book, the Pawelski present the concept of Aristotelian love, i.e. seeing the good in your partner and being motivated by that goodness to improve yourself, as the ideal in relationships.  Happy Together focuses on develop key habits for building and sustaining long-term love by promoting a healthy passion, prioritizing positive emotions, mindfully savoring experiences together, and seeking out strengths in each other.

 

Quotes 

The PERMA model of flourishing, for example, consists of five elements of a fulfilling life.  Positive Emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment.  Relationships, of course, are right at the center of PERMA.  Indeed, relationships may be the most important part of a happy and flourishing life.

 

My Take

As my friends and family are well aware, I am very interested in the topic of happiness and actively try to structure my life in a manner that will increase my happiness.  As such, I read a lot of books on the subject of happiness and was very interested in reading Happy Together after seeing it recommended by best-selling author (The Happiness Project, Happier at Home, Better than Before, The Four Tendencies) and happiness guru Gretchen Rubin (who has had a huge impact on the way I live my life).  I liked, but did not love, Happy Together.  When I read a book like this, I like to have a lot of practical tips as takeaways.  There were a few that I will try to implement.  Namely, the importance of taking time to savor positive experiences in your relationship and expressing gratitude to your partner on a regular basis with the emphasis on them.  I also liked a metaphor that the authors use of a superpower cape with a red side and a green side.  The red side helps you fix problems in your relationship while the green side helps you engage in actions that improve a relationship by creating and sustaining happiness, satisfaction and enjoyment in a relationship.  It has inspired me to try to focus on the green side of the cape!

 

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208. Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆1/2

Author:   Simon Sinek

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Psychology, Business, Self Improvement

256 pages, published October 29, 2009

Reading Format:  Audio Book on Hoopla

 

Summary

In his bestselling book Start with Why, Simon Sinek explores the question of why  some people and organizations are more innovative, influential, and profitable than others.   Why do some command greater loyalty from both their customers and employees? Why are so few able to repeat their success continuously?  Sinek answers these questions by developing the thesis that successful people and organizations start with “why” rather than “what” or “how.”  Why is not money or profit; those are always results.  Why does your organization exist?  Why does it do the things it does?  Why do customers really buy from one company or another?  Why are people loyal to some leaders, but not others?  As evidentiary support for his idea, Sinek profiles individuals Martin Luther King Jr., Steve Jobs, Gandhi and the Wright Brothers and organizations Apple, Starbucks, and Southwest Airlines.

 

Quotes 

“People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it. And what you do simply proves what you believe.”

 

“Leadership requires two things: a vision of the world that does not yet exist and the ability to communicate it.”

 

“There are only two ways to influence human behavior: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it.

 

“Very few people or companies can clearly articulate WHY they do WHAT they do. By WHY I mean your purpose, cause or belief – WHY does your company exist? WHY do you get out of bed every morning? And WHY should anyone care?”

 

“We are drawn to leaders and organizations that are good at communicating what they believe. Their ability to make us feel like we belong, to make us feel special, safe and not alone is part of what gives them the ability to inspire us.”

 

“For values or guiding principles to be truly effective they have to be verbs. It’s not “integrity,” it’s “always do the right thing.” It’s not “innovation,” it’s “look at the problem from a different angle.” Articulating our values as verbs gives us a clear idea – we have a clear idea of how to act in any situation.”

 

“Happy employees ensure happy customers. And happy customers ensure happy shareholders—in that order.”

 

“Leading is not the same as being the leader.  Being the leader means you hold the highest rank, either by earning it, good fortune or navigating internal politics.  Leading, however, means that others willingly follow you—not because they have to, not because they are paid to, but because they want to.”

 

“Some in management positions operate as if they are in a tree of monkeys. They make sure that everyone at the top of the tree looking down sees only smiles.  But all too often, those at the bottom looking up see only asses.”

 

“You don’t hire for skills, you hire for attitude. You can always teach skills.”

 

“Great companies don’t hire skilled people and motivate them, they hire already motivated people and inspire them.  People are either motivated or they are not.  Unless you give motivated people something to believe in, something bigger than their job to work toward, they will motivate themselves to find a new job and you’ll be stuck with whoever’s left.”

 

“Trust is maintained when values and beliefs are actively managed.  If companies do not actively work to keep clarity, discipline and consistency in balance, then trust starts to break down.”

 

“All organizations start with WHY, but only the great ones keep their WHY clear year after year.”

 

“The role of a leader is not to come up with all the great ideas. The role of a leader is to create an environment in which great ideas can happen.”

 

“When you compete against everyone else, no one wants to help you.  But when you compete against yourself, everyone wants to help you.”

 

“All organizations start with WHY, but only the great ones keep their WHY clear year after year. Those who forget WHY they were founded show up to the race every day to outdo someone else instead of to outdo themselves. The pursuit, for those who lose sight of WHY they are running the race, is for the medal or to beat someone else.”

 

“Great leaders and great organizations are good at seeing what most of us can’t see. They are good at giving us things we would never think of asking for.”

 

“Working hard for something we do not care about is called stress, working hard for something we love is called passion.”

 

“Henry Ford summed it up best. “If I had asked people what they wanted,” he said, “they would have said a faster horse.”

 

“Charisma has nothing to do with energy; it comes from a clarity of WHY. It comes from absolute conviction in an ideal bigger than oneself. Energy, in contrast, comes from a good night’s sleep or lots of caffeine. Energy can excite. But only charisma can inspire. Charisma commands loyalty. Energy does not.”

 

“Put bluntly, the struggle that so many companies have to differentiate or communicate their true value to the outside world is not a business problem, it’s a biology problem. And just like a person struggling to put her emotions into words, we rely on metaphors, imagery and analogies in an attempt to communicate how we feel. Absent the proper language to share our deep emotions, our purpose, cause or belief, we tell stories. We use symbols. We create tangible things for those who believe what we believe to point to and say, “That’s why I’m inspired.” If done properly, that’s what marketing, branding and products and services become; a way for organizations to communicate to the outside world. Communicate clearly and you shall be understood.”

 

“If the leader of the organization can’t clearly articulate WHY the organization exists in terms beyond its products or services, then how does he expect the employees to know WHY to come to work?”

 

“There are only two ways to influence human behavior: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it.”

 

“Studies show that over 80 percent of Americans do not have their dream job. If more knew how to build organizations that inspire, we could live in a world in which that statistic was the reverse – a world in which over 80 percent of people loved their jobs. People who love going to work are more productive and more creative. They go home happier and have happier families. They treat their colleagues and clients and customers better. Inspired employees make for stronger companies and stronger economies.”

 

“Innovation is not born from the dream, innovation is born from the struggle.”

 

My Take

Start With Why is a fascinating and inspiring book that explores how “why” we do something is so much more important than “how” or “what” we do.  While it is geared towards businesses, I found Simon Sinek’s principles translated to individuals.  We should all have a “why” in our lives, otherwise we will get to the end and wonder if our time here on earth was the most it could be.  For me, my why is “to live a full, connected and meaningful life with no regrets.”  Everything I do should flow from that “why.”  I highly recommend this book, especially if you have a business.

 

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202. How to Win Friends and Influence People

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆☆

Author:   Dale Carnegie

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Self-Improvement, Psychology

288 pages, published October, 1936

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

How to Win Friends and Influence People is primer for how to have sincere, positive interactions with other people to better achieve your personal and business goals.   Full of anecdotes to support his points, here is a summary of Carnegie’s advice:

 

Techniques in Handling People

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

 

Six ways to make people like you

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Smile.
  3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

 

Win people to your way of thinking

  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  4. Begin in a friendly way.
  5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
  11. Dramatize your ideas.
  12. Throw down a challenge.

 

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  5. Let the other person save face.
  6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
  7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

 

Quotes 

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”

 

“Everybody in the world is seeking happiness—and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.”

 

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

 

“Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.”

 

“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, ‘I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you. That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them.”

 

“People who smile,” he said, “tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children.”

 

“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.”

 

“A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.”

 

“The Value of a Smile at Christmas.   It costs nothing, but creates much.   It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.   It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.   None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.   It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends.”

 

“The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.”

 

“Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success? “I will speak ill of no man,” he said, “ … and speak all the good I know of everybody.”

 

“The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.”

 

“Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so.”

 

“As Lord Chesterfield said to his son: Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.”

 

“If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

 

“Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and ending with a critical statement. For example, in trying to change a child’s careless attitude toward studies, we might say, “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.” In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word “but.” He might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. Credibility would be strained, and we probably would not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie’s attitude toward his studies. This could be easily overcome by changing the word “but” to “and.” “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.”

 

“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself.  Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. …. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.  That reminds me of this famous quote by Thomas Carlyle: “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.”

 

“I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument— and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.”

 

“Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit.”

 

“Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want.”

 

“You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.”

 

“By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

 

“If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”

 

“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”

 

“If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence.”

 

“Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”

 

“Buddha said: ‘Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,’ and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.”

 

“about 15 percent of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and about 85 percent is due to skill in human engineering—to personality and the ability to lead people.”

 

“The legendary French aviation pioneer and author Antoine de Saint-Exupéry wrote: “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”

 

“I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

 

“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. “There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors.”

 

“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.” As Dr. Johnson said: “God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you and I?”

 

“A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa.”

 

“The only reason, for example, that you are not a rattlesnake is that your mother and father weren’t rattlesnakes. You deserve very little credit for being what you are.”

 

“The secret of his success? “I will speak ill of no man,” he said, “. . and speak all the good I know of everybody.”

 

“To change somebody’s behavior, change the level of respect she receives by giving her a fine reputation to live up to. Act as though the trait you are trying to influence is already one of the person’s outstanding characteristics.”

 

“The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.”

 

“A man convinced against his will

Is of the same opinion still”

 

“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”

 

“ [T]he only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.”

 

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

 

My Take

The classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, which was first published in 1936, is a book whose title everyone has heard of and which has had enormous influence on the world.  After seeing it recommended on several websites, I decided to read it.  Even though more than 80 years have passed since its publication, it stands the test of time.  Just look at the summary and quotes above to see a sampling of all the pearls of wisdom contained in this book.  In fact, I got so much out of it that I asked my 19 year old son to read it as his Christmas gift to me and then spend some time discussing it.  I wholeheartedly recommend you do the same with someone you know from the younger generation. The advice is timeless and will improve the lives of all who read it.

 

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199. The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:

Author:   Mel Robbins

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Self Improvement, Psychology

267 pages, published February 28, 2017

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

In The 5 Second Rule, author Mel Robbins recounts how she was trapped in a downward spiral so much so that she had trouble even getting out of bed in the morning.  Her entire world shifted when she discovered the 5 second rule.  The secret isn’t knowing what to do—it’s knowing how to make yourself do it.  Basically, when you first think about doing something you should (or shouldn’t), you count backwards from 5 (5-4-3-2-1) and then immediately take action.  For example, when you alarm goes off in the morning, you cant backwards from 5 and then immediately take action to get out of bed.  If you find yourself about to reach for a cookie, you count backwards from 5 and then stop yourself from taking it.

Robbins explains how the power of a “push moment” (i.e. counting backwards from 5) can help us do the things we want to do and stay away from the things we want to avoid.   By following the rule, Robbins believes that you will:  become more confident, break the habits of procrastination and self-doubt, beat fear and uncertainty, stop worrying and feel happier and share your ideas with courage.

 

Quotes 

“Hesitation is the kiss of death. You might hesitate for a just nanosecond, but that’s all it takes. That one small hesitation triggers a mental system that’s designed to stop you. And it happens in less than—you guessed it—five seconds.”

 

“The 5 Second Rule:  The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move or your brain will stop you.”

 

“Anytime there’s something you know you should do, but you feel uncertain, afraid, or overwhelmed…just take control by counting backwards 5- 4- 3- 2- 1. That’ll quiet your mind. Then, move when you get to “1.”

 

“You change your life one five-second decision at a time.”

 

“We are all so afraid of uncertainty that we want a guarantee before we even try. We want evidence that if we take a risk we will “get the girl” Its a numbers game. To play any game, you have to start. To win, you need to keep going. If you want to make your dreams come true, get ready for the long game.

Life is not a one and done sort of deal. You’ve got to work for what you want.

Picasso created nearly 100 masterpieces in his lifetime. But what most people don’t know is that he created a total of more then 50,000 works of art. .. Thats two pieces of art a day. Success is a numbers game. You are not going to win if you keep telling yourself to wait. The more often that you choose courage, the more likely you’ll succeed.”

 

“Your feelings don’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you DO.”

 

“When it comes to goals, dreams, and changing your life, your inner wisdom is a genius. Your goal-related impulses, urges, and instincts are there to guide you. You need to learn to bet on them.”

“This is where the #5SecondRule comes into play—you don’t have to want to do it, you just have to push yourself to do it.”

 

“locus of control.” The more that you believe that you are in control of your life, your actions and your future, the happier and more successful you’ll be.”

 

“I owe my morning routine to Duke University professor Dan Ariely. According to Ariely, the first two to three hours of the day are the best hours for your brain, once you fully wake up. So, if you pop out of bed at 6 a.m., your peak thinking and productivity window is 6:30 a.m. to 9 a.m. And so on.”

 

“I was the problem and in five seconds, I could push myself and become the solution.”

 

“There’s one thing that is guaranteed to increase your feelings of control over your life: a bias toward action.”

 

“If you have one of those impulses that are pulling you, if you don’t marry it with an action within 5 seconds, you pull the emergency break and kill the idea.”

 

“That’s an instinct reminding you of the goal. That’s your inner wisdom, and it’s important to pay attention to it, no matter how small or silly that instinct may seem.”

 

“Life is gritty and hard and then suddenly it is brilliant and amazing.”

 

“pushing yourself to take simple actions creates a chain reaction in your confidence and your productivity.”

 

“You can’t control how you feel. But you can always choose how you act.”

 

“I have a hard time finding the balance between not beating myself up when it doesn’t happen as fast as I’d like it to, and not wasting time while I wait for it to happen.”

 

“Start before you’re ready.  Don’t prepare, begin.”       

 

“Passion is not a thing, it’s a state of mind.”

 

My Take

I was skeptical when I first started reading this book.  How could five seconds be such a life changer?  However, author Mel Robbins provides some convincing examples of the rule at work.   Basically, the rule is a spur to action.  How much of our lives are just lazed away?  After finishing the book, I tried out the rule and it does work.  The only problem for me is remembering to use it in the first place.  When I do, I see results.

 

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186. Getting to Yes: Negotiating an Agreement Without Giving In

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:

Author:   Roger Fisher, William Ury, Bruce Patton

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Psychology, Business, Self-Improvement

200 pages, published December 1, 1991

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

Getting to Yes is all about negotiation and how to improve your negotiating skills.  The book is based on the work of the Harvard Negotiation Project, a group that deals with all levels of negotiation and conflict resolution.  Getting to Yes details a step-by-step approach for coming to mutually acceptable agreements in every sort of conflict. The authors describe a method of negotiation that isolates problems, focuses on interests, creates new options, and uses objective criteria to help two parties reach an agreement.

Quotes 

“Any method of negotiation may be fairly judged by three criteria: It should produce a wise agreement if agreement is possible. It should be efficient. And it should improve or at least not damage the relationship between the parties.”

 

“THE METHOD 2. Separate the People from the Problem 3. Focus on Interests, Not Positions 4. Invent Options for Mutual Gain 5. Insist on Using Objective Criteria.”

“People listen better if they feel that you have understood them. They tend to think that those who understand them are intelligent and sympathetic people whose own opinions may be worth listening to. So if you want the other side to appreciate your interests, begin by demonstrating that you appreciate theirs.”

 

“The ability to see the situation as the other side sees it, as difficult as it may be, is one of the most important skills a negotiator can possess.”

 

“As useful as looking for objective reality can be, it is ultimately the reality as each side sees it that constitutes the problem in a negotiation and opens the way to a solution.”

 

“The more extreme the opening positions and the smaller the concessions, the more time and effort it will take to discover whether or not agreement is possible.”

 

“If you want someone to listen and understand your reasoning, give your interests and reasoning first and your conclusions or proposals later.”

 

“The most powerful interests are basic human needs. In searching for the basic interests behind a declared position, look particularly for those bedrock concerns that motivate all people. If you can take care of such basic needs, you increase the chance both of reaching agreement and, if an agreement is reached, of the other side’s keeping to it. Basic human needs include: security, economic well-being, a sense of belonging, recognition, control over one’s life.  As fundamental as they are, basic human needs are easy to overlook. In many negotiations, we tend to think that the only interest involved is money. Yet even in a negotiation over a monetary figure, such as the amount of alimony to be specified in a separation agreement, much more can be involved.”

 

My Take

Many years ago, when I was practicing law at a big Los Angeles law firm, I joined the other litigation attorneys from my firm for a one day seminar on negotiating at Pepperdine University.  The skills that I learned that day were not only useful in my legal practice, but they were also invaluable in my personal life.  We enter into negotiations all the time, whether it is buying a house or deciding where to have dinner or take a vacation.  Getting to Yes was a very nice complement to the Pepperdine negotiating seminar.  Not only do the authors show you how to negotiate, but they also explain why their proposed style is apt to work.  I learned some new methods for negotiating and also reinforced some of the skills I learned at the seminar.  A very useful book that I can unreservedly recommend.

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185. Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆1/2

Recommended by:

Author:   Anders Ericsson and Robert Pool

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Science, Psychology, Self-Improvement

336 pages, published April 4, 2016

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

Anders Ericsson, the author of Peak, has devoted his career to expertise.  He shares the results of years of research in which he concludes that the best in almost every field (from Tennis to Violin to Chess to Surgery, etc.) are made, not born.  What matters much more than the genetic material you are born with is how and how much you develop your skills.  The key is the concept of “deliberate practice” in which you use feedback on your performance to hone your skills.

 

Quotes 

“The reason that most people don’t possess these extraordinary physical capabilities isn’t because they don’t have the capacity for them, but rather because they’re satisfied to live in the comfortable rut of homeostasis and never do the work that is required to get out of it. They live in the world of “good enough.” The same thing is true for all the mental activities we engage in.”

 

“you have to keep upping the ante: run farther, run faster, run uphill. If you don’t keep pushing and pushing and pushing some more, the body will settle into homeostasis, albeit at a different level than before, and you will stop improving.”

 

“This is a fundamental truth about any sort of practice: If you never push yourself beyond your comfort zone, you will never improve.”

 

“So here we have purposeful practice in a nutshell: Get outside your comfort zone but do it in a focused way, with clear goals, a plan for reaching those goals, and a way to monitor your progress. Oh, and figure out a way to maintain your motivation.”

 

“Consider this: Most people live lives that are not particularly physically challenging. They sit at a desk, or if they move around, it’s not a lot. They aren’t running and jumping, they aren’t lifting heavy objects or throwing things long distances, and they aren’t performing maneuvers that require tremendous balance and coordination. Thus they settle into a low level of physical capabilities—enough for day-to-day activities and maybe even hiking or biking or playing golf or tennis on the weekends, but far from the level of physical capabilities that a highly trained athlete possesses.”

 

“Learning isn’t a way of reaching one’s potential but rather a way of developing it.”

 

“The best way to get past any barrier is to come at it from a different direction, which is one reason it is useful to work with a teacher or coach.”

 

“If you talk to these extraordinary people, you find that they all understand this at one level or another. They may be unfamiliar with the concept of cognitive adaptability, but they seldom buy into the idea that they have reached the peak of their fields because they were the lucky winners of some genetic lottery. They know what is required to develop the extraordinary skills that they possess because they have experienced it firsthand. One of my favorite testimonies on this topic came from Ray Allen, a ten-time All-Star in the National Basketball Association and the greatest three-point shooter in the history of that league. Some years back, ESPN columnist Jackie MacMullan wrote an article about Allen as he was approaching his record for most three-point shots made. In talking with Allen for that story, MacMullan mentioned that another basketball commentator had said that Allen was born with a shooting touch—in other words, an innate gift for three-pointers. Allen did not agree. “I’ve argued this with a lot of people in my life,” he told MacMullan. “When people say God blessed me with a beautiful jump shot, it really pisses me off. I tell those people, ‘Don’t undermine the work I’ve put in every day.’ Not some days. Every day. Ask anyone who has been on a team with me who shoots the most. Go back to Seattle and Milwaukee, and ask them. The answer is me.” And, indeed, as MacMullan noted, if you talk to Allen’s high school basketball coach you will find that Allen’s jump shot was not noticeably better than his teammates’ jump shots back then; in fact, it was poor. But Allen took control, and over time, with hard work and dedication, he transformed his jump shot into one so graceful and natural that people assumed he was born with it. He took advantage of his gift—his real gift.”

 

“Even the most motivated and intelligent student will advance more quickly under the tutelage of someone who knows the best order in which to learn things, who understands and can demonstrate the proper way to perform various skills, who can provide useful feedback, and who can devise practice activities designed to overcome particular weaknesses.”

 

“In a field you’re already familiar with—like your own job—think carefully about what characterizes good performance and try to come up with ways to measure that, even if there must be a certain amount of subjectivity in your measurement. Then look for those people who score highest in the areas you believe are key to superior performance. Remember that the ideal is to find objective, reproducible measures that consistently distinguish the best from the rest, and if that ideal is not possible, approximate it as well as you can.”

 

My Take

Peak is a fascinating book that I couldn’t put down.  As most people do, I had always assumed that people, who were the best in their fields, for example chess grand masters, were born with a natural talent or ability.  In Peak, long-time expertise researcher Anders Ericsson puts the lie to that belief.  Ericsson convincingly demonstrates that our human potential is more a function of how and how much we do to develop it rather than resulting from a genetic lottery.  The subtext in Peak is also interesting, i.e. you can be an expert in any chosen field, but are you willing to put in the enormous sacrifice to do so?  For my part, the answer is absolutely not.   I would much rather be a generalist and good at a variety of different things than be the best in one limited area.  However, there are a lot of Olympic athletes who would disagree with me.

 

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181. God. Gifts. You. Your Unique Calling and Design

Rating:  ☆☆☆1/2

Recommended by:   First Presbyterian Church in Boulder

Author:   Shirley Davis

Genre:  Non- Fiction, Christian, Theology, Self-Improvement

170 pages, published August 29, 2017

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

God. Gifts. You.  is a bible study and assessment of spiritual gifts written by Shirley Davis, a staff member at First Presbyterian Church in Boulder (my home church) who focuses on community building.  In addition to verses from scripture relating to spiritual gifts and calling, the study includes a detailed self-assessment to help you discover your gifts.  Shirley also helps you understand God’s plan for you and how to use your gifts for His glory.

 

 

My Take

I read God. Gifts. You.  as part of a Bible Study at First Presbyterian Church in Boulder.  The self-assessment confirmed some things that I already knew (I have the gifts of hospitality and administration) and surprised me in other ways (I have the gift of encouragement).  More importantly, it started me thinking about how I am using my spiritual gifts in my one and only life and how could I use them in the future.  This is a great resource if you want to know yourself better and/or you are not sure what God is calling you to do.

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179. The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too)

Author:   Gretchen Rubin

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:  Shannon Lemmon

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Self-Improvement, Psychology

320 pages, published September 12, 2017

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

In The Four Tendencies, happiness and habit guru Gretchen Rubin explores the four personality tendencies that almost everyone falls into:  Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels.  During her years long investigation into understanding human nature, Rubin realized that by asking the simple question “How do I respond to expectations?” we can understand ourselves and our motivations much, much better.  The book includes a 13 question quiz to determine your personality type.  Once we know our personality type, we can order our world to maximize our productivity, achievement, personal relationships and happiness.

Quotes 

“Upholder:  Discipline is my Freedom.”

“Questioner:  I’ll comply if you convince me why.”

“Obliger:  You can count on me, and I’m counting on you counting on me.”

“Rebel:  You can’t make me and neither can I.”

 

“You are the best judge of yourself. If you believe that a different Tendency describes you better, trust yourself.” I took the test and the results told me that I am a Questioner. This result is accurate, but like the good questioner that I am, I question the validity of Gretchen’s test.”

 

My Take

I’m a big fan of Gretchen Rubin, having read all of her previous books (The Happiness Project is my all time favorite, but I also got a lot out of Better than Before, her book on forming positive habits) and am also a frequent listener of her Happier podcast.  The Four Tendencies goes deeper into the subject of how we respond to expectations first raised by Rubin in Better than Before.  While whipping through this book in a single day, I took the test included in the book and was not surprised to find that I am an Upholder (someone who is characterized by self-discipline and is accountable to both internal and external expectations).  I had my husband Scot take the test and was surprised to learn that he is a Rebel (“don’t tell me what to do”).  Upholder-Rebel combinations in a marriage are rare, but ours works best when I just let Scot do what he wants to do.  With lots of practical advice on how to manage not only your own tendency, but those of those who are close to you, The Four Tendencies is a fascinating and useful read.

 

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